No Rest for Iron-Hoisting Musclehead
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Weight training is a spirited challenge, healthy, energizing, strengthening and fulfilling. Most folks can't play football and baseball, basketball and hockey past their 20s without obvious blundering and certain injury. But weightlifting we can safely and vigorously pursue according to our own devised plan, purpose and prosperity. It's mean and friendly stuff at once, tough yet accommodating. It feels good and it's good for you, body, mind and spirit.
We love, need and are we addicted to the iron. It’s all about us, a self-centered pursuit at first glance, yet a worthy sacrifice, a fair and justifiable obsession and a generous investment in our humanity. It’s not selfish to train (and want big, strong shapely muscles); it is, rather, healthy, enabling us to do more with less effort to live, work, play and serve those we love, our fellow man and ourselves (and look good doing it). We are more resistant and more efficient and more responsible beings for all our compromise and hard work; we’re faster and quicker (and slicker).
We have this whacky and not necessarily unhealthy relationship with love and hate, joy and pain. The pain feels so good (as long as we’re in control), and we are joyfully committed to the unlikable compromises we must make (as long as we build muscles). And there are lots of compromises: leisure and play are replaced by hard time and hard work, tuna in cans replaces ice cream in dishes and the Lazy-boy comfort recliner is substituted by the Max-boy heavy-duty incliner.
I’m fortunate to have the Santa Cruz Weight Room as my training facility. It’s the greatest gym, possibly the best in the world; just the right size and shape and colors, equipment and location. Not fancy (I hate fancy -- weakens free and daring souls) and everything is clean and in order (I like clean and orderly -- strengthens the growing character, mind and body).
The music is not too loud and it’s not rap, country western, classical or Tony Bennett. It’s old (Stones, Eagles, Arrowhead) and new (Lead Zeppelin, Journey, Beatles) and there are fewer than eight muscleheads in the early afternoon hogging the equipment. We mutter, putter and sputter and occasionally growl and groan. No roids, no clowns, no wiseguys, no jerks, no wimps. And you can get a Bomber Blend smoothie or a great cup of coffee at the juice bar -- an espresso or mocha latte, even.
The parking is out front or out back, not down the road, around the corner and up the street. No mall or boulevards or traffic. Just us, hoisting the steel and pushing the iron. That guy’s a helicopter pilot, she’s a biologist, he’s a cop, he and his buddy are students, the brute squatting is a nurse and girl behind the counter is gorgeous... and she’s working her way through school.
I enter the gym just after lunch, bearing one of two attitudes: Where am I, what am I doing here, or where are they, let me at them. I either prod at the weights for 75 minutes or leap upon them before they escape the onslaught. Both approaches work and I always make the most of my time and energy. Whatever I have that I don’t need, I contribute to my workout. Whatever I have left I spend fighting crime, saving lives, extinguishing fires, battling monsters or feeding the pigeons – usually the latter. I’m frugal and efficient, practicing minimum waste in time and movement. Waste not the quality of life; value the gift and all its worth. Add and do not subtract, give and do not take away, use wisely and do not squander. Laree calls me cheap and lazy and flowery. Crappy is the word she prefers. “Get a job, ya bum! You watch too much daytime TV.” She’s a kidder, that one; a laugh a second.
Get a job? I don’t think so! I sort of think of weight lifting as volunteer work: I don’t get paid, most folks don’t want to do it (no time, energy, interest, compassion) and it’s sacrificial. It contributes to no particular cause -- mankind, perhaps -- but somebody’s gotta do it.
Stop lifting and we stop growing. There’s more than muscle development to this iron-hoisting matter we devotedly attend. Stop for a month and you know what I mean. We silently ache all over, guilt mounts upon our backs, stress gnaws at our intestines, our moods sour, we soften between the ears and we shrink and become puffy. Our disciplines weaken, our patience grows short, our tolerance and our sensitivities grows claws. Laughter is forced, generosity ceases, friendships are tested and we plan robbing 7-11s instead of going to work one more day.
We do more dumb things when the workouts are on the shelf. Some folks drink, consuming refreshments stronger than tea, coffee, water and reduced-fat milk. We tend to broaden our menu to include anything we want, as much as we want and more than we want, whenever we want. We sit more, though we work more, and often in front of TV and a bowl of munchies. We get paid more, but our riches diminish rapidly, day by day.
We sulk, we pout, we glare. We wallow, we waddle.
Excuse me. I’m depressed. Let’s change the subject. Rather, let’s maintain the subject but change its course of direction. How about the perfect scheme to prevent our uplifting workouts from being shoved aside and replaced by character breakdown, muscle loss and health deterioration? Bust out the bench and dig up the dumbbells and clear that space in the garage and in your head. Life’s too short. Lengthen it.
For starters, dump all tempting menu-killers: alcohol and soda pop, ice cream, chips and dip; cookies and other nefarious junk and sugar and fat stuff. Feed it to the raccoons. They eat anything. Replace the gook with three or four vegetables that you can eat raw from a bowl. Add your favorite fruit for snacks and energy and nutrition. You’re contributing to your life-savings, not the figure of a fat credit card. Eat regularly, breakfast through dinner, and drink lots of cool, clear water.
Unless you’re an accountant or obsessive-compulsive, don’t count every nutrient, calorie and gram. Learn to approximate and trust your instincts, your gut, your commonsense. They are far more valuable than your charts and scribbled notes and nosey intellect. Develop them, save time and aggravation.
About the workout: I’m amazed by the very basic questions bombers ask, and I shouldn’t be. Let’s face it; any questions worth asking are basic. If they’re involved and profound, we are no longer discussing musclebuilding, but some science unfamiliar to me. If I wanted to be a doctor or scientist, I would have studied the subjects in a university and acquired a degree. Of course, I’d have been dismissed (thrown out) for missing classes, exams and tuition payments. Where’s Draper? Down in the Dungeon -- shoulder and back day.
I submit six separate routines, one for each day of the week, Sundays off for thanks-giving. Each routine is complete in itself, yet they complement one another when arranged as suggested. As we are seeking to restore misplaced training interest and training patterns, I have chosen only four exercises per workout, recommending 3 or 4 sets of 8 to 10 reps per set, prefaced by 3 sets of 15-rep rope-tucks to add core and cardio health.
Keep the workouts short, simple and to the point, or out the window they fly. With that brilliant idea in mind, let’s work out every other day like the sane iron-hoisting muscleheads we are.
After practice and familiarity, you can assemble the workouts arbitrarily to suit yourself. Who knows? You might reach for four, five or six blasting sessions a week. It’s been known to happen... an old time training revival. Hallelujah!!
Let’s assume you know the basics and have the essential equipment available. I’ll list the exercises, sets and reps and note what muscle groups are involved. There’s more to an exercise than one assumes when the body is fully and passionately engaged.
Final thoughts: The workouts call for moderate weight and 80-percent effort and will strengthen, tone and condition your body. Consistency is the key that unlocks the door. They will take about an hour. Have fun.
Increase the number of sets, the weight used, the effort applied and the desire for muscle growth and you will increase the workout time required, the energy exhausted, the demand of the mind and emotions and the possibility of injury. Workouts could take two hours. Good luck.
They could, like a mockingbird, fly out the window.
3 or 4 sets of 8 to 10 reps per set
Workout 1
Medium-wide bench press -- chest, front shoulder, triceps, general upper body mass
Barbell row -- total back, biceps, grip, thigh action
Alternate dumbbell curl -- biceps and supportive muscles engaged when legitimate assisting torso action involved (intricate weave of upper body musculature). Observe action, focus always and appreciate the expanded musclebuilding investment.
Pulley pushdown -- triceps and engaged torso muscle when providing legitimate and useful torso thrust
Workout 2
Leg extensions -- thighs, quadriceps region
Leg curls -- thigh biceps or hamstrings
Squats -- thighs and entire system
One-arm dumbbell clean and press, from floor to overhead position -- torso and back regions, biceps and triceps involvement, shoulders
Workout 3
Dumbbell incline press, 45 degrees -- shoulder, chest, triceps
Straight-arm dumbbell pullover -- lats, minor chest, tris and bis
Machine dips -- shoulders, chest, back, triceps
Seated lat row -- total back, biceps, core
Workout 4
Leg press -- thighs
Calf raises -- standing and seated -- calves
Standing barbell curl -- biceps and entire system at work
Lying or overhead triceps extension -- triceps
Workout 5
Military press -- shoulders, triceps, torso
One-arm side lateral raise -- shoulders
Wide-grip pulldown -- back and lat regions, biceps, minor chest
Close grip, underhand pulldown -- biceps, lats, torso
Workout 6
Dumbbell clean and press -- back, shoulders, triceps, biceps, core
Wrist curls -- forearms and bis
Lunges -- thighs
Calf raises -- calves
Be sharp. Be wise. Be here. Forget where you’ve been, note the direction you’re traveling, be where you are.
Go... Godspeed... DD
DAN THE MAN
The IronOnline forum, a discussion group whose numbers and level of friendship and depth of perception, knowledge and understanding are growing like a California suburb, is in its ninth year of development. There are hundreds of active participants and thousands of grateful lurkers, those I like to call stealth bombers. The info and enthusiasm is generous.
Busy digging with my paws for something to say to you muscleheads each week and answering stray email, I lurk through the eyes of Laree, its chief moderator.
Pretty much jerk-free, the forum has attracted some really intelligent and highly respected characters from the athletic and fitness world. Dropping in from time to time we’ve seen Dr. Ken Leistner, chiropractor, writer and HIT technique strongman; Scott Sonnon of the clubbell and martial arts world; Steve Wedan, muscle artist and writer; Jerry Branum, nutrition writer, John Izzo, who specializes in corrective exercise training, and back in the early email days, Tom Incledon lent a guiding hand. Anyone who takes a step past training mediocrity knows these guys by name and reputation.
Recently joining the crew of valuable and worthy contributors is powerful Dan John, American record-holder in the Masters Weight Pentathlon, and a highly skilled strength and track and field coach in the state of Utah. His intelligence and innovation match his athletic skills, and they are witnessed in his new Q&A section of the IOL forum.
Dan’s the man.
Thanks, Dan. Buddy Dave.
There’s more...
Here's an idea: Brother Iron Sister Steel was called The Best Book on Bodybuilding Ever by Muscle and Fitness magazine. You'll ask less and train harder with more joy and certainty after reading its fun pages. Tips and hints, routines and nutrition, motivation and stories, and tons of pictures from the good times.
Go... Godspeed... Dave
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