Shun Fault, Seize the Facts

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The fitness director of Muscle and Fitness magazine recently asked me to contribute to an article titled, "The Seven Best Exercises You’ve Never Heard Of." He needed one or two off-the-beaten-path exercises from a few pros and included me in the bunch. The requirements were simple: the name of the exercise, its genesis, its focus and its execution from start to finish.

The bright and astute young fellow went on to say, "It has been a pleasure learning from you over time. It is an honor to be writing you today." I love to accommodate devoted journalists who dare to follow their dreams and pursue truth, nobility and world improvement. I agreed without hesitation.

It wasn’t long after reviewing my repertoire of exercises that I realized there were none unique enough to stain the pages with ink. I do the basics only, and for good reason: They work best. Yes, I apply maximum intensity to force them to produce, I tweak them to accommodate my specific needs and I add a twist to squeeze out the last drop of juice they offer, but none of these antics makes any one of them a rare bird worthy of a spotlight.

Swell. I had no argument with that. I hold fast to my philosophy, precept, or creed, whatever -- basics work best -- and that in itself is instructive, but it doesn’t provide material for the article or depict me as a very creative weightlifter. I had a problem.

I know -- a light went on, "I’ll make up something, a little deception I shall rationalize as ingenuity."

I pondered quite a long time before confronting an even more perplexing problem: I could not concoct an exercise that wasn’t an obvious fake. Among my conjuring there was the high-rep dumbbell press with the right arm while simultaneously performing a slow concentration curl with the left -- very confusing. The sidearm lateral raise performed while balanced on a stability ball has merit, but takes weeks of practice and can be disastrous. Hanging from a chinning bar by one’s knees and performing barbells rows blasts the lats was unlike any other movement except, maybe, a 2x4 swung by a large training partner... besides, thought my nose was gonna bleed.

I’ve exercised with exploratory wonder and pioneer dedication most of my life, yet I’m unable to offer an innovative and effective exercise to serve my brothers and sisters. Alas, I’m just another worn cog in the primitive machinery of musclemaking and bodybuilding. I’m cranking along, banging and knocking, as metal parts do after years and years of friction, overload and overuse. Time to replace the ole' pistons, boss; they’re wobbling like penguins on beers.

Ironheads never die. Tis time to drag the rusting hulk to the edge of the junkyard and let it bio-degrade and become one with nature.

Sheesh! Weightlifters tend to be hard on themselves, don’t they, like hammers on nails. I ask you: What other intelligent individuals come home after a hard day on the job -- walking a beat, pounding a keyboard, performing brain surgery -- and go to the gym to repeatedly lift heavy, cold iron only to replace it where it came from, or furiously ride a bike that remains in the same place? Mental cases! Further, they glance at themselves as they shower and make disagreeable comments about their physical condition -- too fat, too skinny, too narrow, too broad. Too nuts!

A little "hard-on-themselves" at first seems mean, but a little hard is good. Truth is, lifters, or muscle- and power-builders, love themselves just enough not to be too satisfied or complacent. They expect more and want more of themselves and have found a method -- or more correctly, the methods -- to get it. Weight training is not a single thing, but comes as a package, like a CARE Package.

A care package contains a variety of essential life-improving ingredients to those in need; toothbrush, comb, soap, washcloth, towel, foodstuff and hope. Weight training offers health, strength, well-being, discipline, confidence and hope. Each contributes to our survival and perpetuation; they lift us up when we’re down and set us in forward motion.

Yeah, yeah, yeah! I know. I’m off on a tangent. That’s what I do when confronted with an obstacle: I sputter, I stall, I shift gears, I go left, right and throw it in reverse. Back to the dilapidated contraption and what to slip Muscle & Fitness so they don’t think I’m a Model-T with body rot and a persistent clunk.

Originality in exercise is often observed in novel adaptations of the old, tried and true movements. In seasoned lifters such adaptations are performed in a continual set-after-set, rep-after-rep manner. With each successive set or rep the body assumes a slightly different position, redirecting the groove to recruit a yet untapped region of the muscle, or engage an area not yet overcome by the pain of an injury, or to search out yet another effective execution of a standard exercise. Dumbbells are rotated, a barbell grip is narrowed or widened or a range of motion is abbreviated.

Again, informative, but no cigar. Not the abracadabra exercise or dazzling trick movement to tantalize the Muscle and Fitness bodybuilding consumer who needs help or entertainment.

There is creativity in my training and that’s my dilemma. I’m basic, yes -- squats, presses and curls -- but I augment the basics with imagination and improvised tools of management. The Top Squat, for example is a pair of handles extending from the bar enabling a lifter to squat while stabilizing the bar without compromising his shoulders. A great unit, popular with those familiar with it, but presented to a magazine and it looks like a cheap merchandizing scheme for my benefit. Not Good.

How about thick-handle training, my most recent vigorous exercise endorsement? They are something close to magic to work with, producing amazing results by encouraging dynamic exercise control and allowing almost miraculous painfree training. Again, a far greater contribution to musclebuilding than my reverse, inverted over-grip, one-handed bi-tri incline, curl-press extension. But someone will think I’m trying to make a small fortune hustling bomber gear.

Tsk, tsk! Not moi.

I’ll take my chances, present my commonsense implements to the editors and await their conclusions: out-of-the-norm exercises for increased workout performance and certain training improvement, with no accent on sales or purchasing.

Get your Top Squat while they last. Only 110 shopping days till Christmas! Thick-handles for your pulley system in seven luxurious models! Why wait? Get huge and ripped before the year ends.

Excuse me... got a little carried away.

I do have an exercise for M&F that is a stray from the beaten path, should my smooth deception fail to work. It’s the two-arm dumbbell row performed with finesse, accentuation, concentration and tenacity. The last four descriptive words separate the movement from its typical look-alike twin, the ordinary dumbbellus deadliftus non-descriptus.

Trust me. Advanced trainers often reference Latin derivations when detailing technical aspects of lifting, for example: muscles -- supra spinatus, latisimus dorsi, or bones -- humerus, scapularis, or physical conditions -- tendinitis, apoplexy, or muscle building foods -- Bomberus Blendus, carne asada.

Remember, bombers: It’s not the movement; it’s how it’s performed. Assume a standard bent-over row position and, rather than a barbell, grasp a pair of moderate weight dumbbells. You will execute the dumbbell row as you would a barbell row, except you will apply the increasingly popular FACTS principle -- Finesse, Accentuation, Concentration, Tenacity, Stamina. You have another acronym to add to your list ASAP.

Allow me to elaborate:

Assume the starting position; feet are hip-width, or 18 inches apart, knees are appropriately bent, your back is slightly rounded and parallel to the ground (try for this position, though it’s difficult to maintain throughout the movement); looking toward a spot 10 feet before you and with the manageable, moderate-weight dumbbells fully suspended and almost touching the floor in a palms-to-the-rear position, you are ready for action. You with me so far?

Pull the dumbbells with focused certainty straight upward and toward the front deltoid, as far as possible without compromising involved joints, contract the engaged back muscles for an instant and return with concentration to the starting place. At various points throughout the single-rep movement we have concentration on exercise form and engagement, on range-of-motion, on accentuated muscle contraction and on joints (elbows, shoulders, scapulae, etc.) Muscle accentuation is practiced throughout, as this is a difficult and deliberate motion.

As the reps continue toward a total of 10, 8, and 6 reps in the subsequent sets and, as we increase the weight utilized by five- or ten-pound increments, we are forced -- a good fight -- to compromise our picture-perfect form in order to achieve powerful and effective movements that build strength, muscle thickness, density and shape. Further, the demanding movement contributes to the rewarding all-muscle systemic growth.

Fighting for the heavier reps, as the muscles fatigue, calls upon finesse and tenacity and stamina. Oh, boy... serious stuff. Where we once pulled upward with concentration and form, we now apply the finesse of body-thrust -- an application of tenacity and stamina I dare not call cheating -- and plant those merciless dumbbells in the vicinity of the delts with all our might, accentuating muscle contraction right on time and lowering the fiery, molten metal with whatever morsels of strength are left. Stamina and tenacity prevent us from letting go until the final rep is complete. Do you follow?

Too often we frantically approach our heavy and difficult exercises, absentmindedly engage the muscles, unwittingly execute the reps, lifelessly drop the dumbbells to the floor upon completion and trip out till the next tedious set. This, of course, is the dreaded FAULT principle -- Frantic, Absentminded, Unwitting, Lifeless, Tripped-out -- favored, practiced and perfected by many faulty lifters beyond these pages.

I’m being harsh, you say. Not so. There is no room for anything less than total commitment to the SEIZE principle -- Sufficiency, Engagement, Interest, Zeal, Effort -- another fine training code bombers have adopted as their own and apply regularly to their faultless training. Got it? Good, cuz I’ve got a migraine. Anybody have an aspirin?

Heading for the skies, gang; the altitude will clear my head. Always does. Shun fault, seize the facts, reach for the horizons.

Godspeed... DD

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