Time to Climb

You ever undertake a project and say to your spouse or best friend, "Oh, I can do this in my sleep," and you don't see daylight for three weeks? Fast food cartons collect wherever no one sits or walks; newspapers pile up on the doorstep, the cat takes up with the neighbors, the house smells of electrically burnt coffee and the phone rings regularly, muffled and distant, and you can never find it in time. Yeah, happens.

The small loft with a sloped ceiling above the kitchen has been active with the churning of a printer, the rapid tapping of computer keys and the continual shifting of a squeaky chair on wheels. I climb the nine steps to the besieged area to make sure Laree has water, paper, ink and other essentials. I encourage her to eat, wipe her chin and give her the time and the day. She smiles a tiny smile. Today is Sunday. The book, "Stella's Kitchen," will be ready for the printer tomorrow.

The printer will produce a copy of the manuscript for us to proof one last time before it is printed in quantities. Shazam. Hopeful estimations indicate that the cookbook of champions will be in our hands and kitchens early in December. Can't you just see it wrapped in cheery red paper with a big white ribbon under the Christmas tree next to the underwear and socks and tie and shirt and sweater and bottle of Gallo Burgundy?

It's not nice to brag and boastful pride can turn around quickly and tweak you on the nose, but if you were to ask me -- and me not wanting to lie -- I'd have to say "Stella's Kitchen" by our own Stella Juarez, AKA Wonder Woman, is a very cool cookbook. Yes. That is my expert opinion, ladies and gentlemen. I'll allow Laree to elaborate.

Did he say Christmas? I'm just getting used to the pumpkins. Yup, in case you haven't been watching TV commercials lately, Christmas has descended upon us, jingle bells and all. And don't get trampled by a stampede of wild turkeys heading for the hills before the end of the month.

This is the time of year I get out my rickety old soapbox and start lecturing about the evils of procrastination, laziness, excuses and missed workouts because it's cold or wet or dark. There are the usual holiday rationales and the season-to-celebrate stories and the weary defenses wrapped around the kids and the wife and the shopping and the traffic. Give me a break.

Stack them high. It's your bottom; it's your biceps, your bench press and your guilt. You'll be sorry when the springtime and sunshine comes our way again and you are as round and firm as the half-inflated beach ball in the corner of the garage... Right about now somebody in the back row - a kid, I think, prompted by his portly dad -- throws a rotten tomato. I duck. Cackles assail me as a league of moms in muumuus trudge off and it's not long before I'm alone, Laree tugging on my pant leg. "Let's go, for heaven sake."

Thank heaven. I no longer need to embarrass either of us or waste our time. United we stand, IronOnline compatriots. Our purpose is clear and our resolve unshakeable. We have the iron in common, good health and physical performance are admired and shared equally, muscle and strength and its acquisition are very popular in our midst and none of us really want anything to do with fat, except its elimination.

We've grown over the past years, have learned much and have developed sound training and eating principles and, furthermore, soundness of muscle. And we know consistency is the secret… if there is a secret. We smart.

Now, doesn't it feel good to be invulnerable to the trite weaknesses that afflict the rest of the community? While your minds are clear and you stand strong on dry land, let’s look over some random thoughts and fundamentals to keep us from sliding in slippery times.

• Be true to yourself. Don't miss your workouts.

• Prepare for the winter months ahead by recalling the years gone by and the consequences of disorder and faltering. Did you regularly overeat and was it worth it? Did you forego your workouts and at what cost?

• Plan ahead: gift shopping, party hopping, traffic stopping, couch flopping, food slopping and drink popping. Reserve room for yourself and your health.

• Look out for the other guy and gal. Support yourself as you support them. Remind them of the responsibility you both have to your physical fitness and dare them to fight the good fight together.

• Missed workouts and over-indulgence are inevitable as we round the corners of November and December and take on the ascent of the New Year. They're good for you. Live it up. Just don't let the two tricksters cause you to lose balance, wrestle you to the ground and pin you with a step-over toehold.

• The commercial world would like us to jump the hoops and roll over: buy this, be that, go here and do that. Don't become a holiday sheep of the pasture well fed and wandering aimlessly with the flock. Step along smartly, know where you're going and why. Don't imitate, don't follow and don't baah.

• Enjoy today, keep your eye on tomorrow and rest in your growing confidence. You know something special about this crazy life - it's there for all of us, of course - and you've grown attached to it. In your weaknesses, show your strength. Train hard, eat right and laugh.

Times that beg forgiveness call for workouts that are forgiving. The next few months are joyful and indeed crowded. They're a hoot. I have an assortment of workouts for you to choose from when time is short, focus is a bit fuzzy, yet the needs and desires are plenty sharp. Remember, Pals, once you've seen one dog race, you've seen them all.

Forgiving workout #1
When you have special choir rehearsal with 27 small children at 7pm:

Barbell curl (five sets, moderate weight, 6,8,10 rep range)
Superset with
Dips (five sets, moderate weight, 6,8,10 rep range)
20-25 minutes

3 nonstop supersets: leg extension, leg curl and calves x 10 reps -- light to moderate weight, minute pause between supersets
10 minutes

Workout #2
When shopping at the mall for your sweetheart and another gift certificate from Sears like last year absolutely will not do:

Bench Press (five sets moderate weight 10,8,6 range)
Superset with
Bentover row (five sets moderate weight 6,8,10 range)
20-25 minutes

Workout #3
When it's Wednesday before Thanksgiving and the only turkey left is at the butcher, way, way on the other side of town and he's holding it for you… right now:

Squats and calves supersetted (moderate weight and volume 20,15,10, 8,6,)
Superset with
Lying bent-arm pullover and press (light-moderate -- warm-up - 6 to 8)
40 minutes, depending on weights used.

Add five sets of standing thumbs-up dumbbell curls, starting heavy and descend the rack– five sets of six reps. Keep moving, get reps.
Five minutes

Workout #4
When it takes you 75 minutes to dig your car out; it's cold, getting late and you’re going to the gym whether anybody likes it or not. Problem with that?

Leg press (moderate weight and volume 25,20,15,12,10,8)
Superset with
Under-grip cable pulldowns (moderate weight 8 to 10)
Superset with
Machine dips (moderate to heavy 15,12,10,8,8,8)
Allow 40 minutes

Workout #5
When the in-laws drop by as you're walking out the door to go to the gym – lower back and torso, your favorite -- to show you slides from their third retirement cruise to The Bahamas, or is it Belize?

Incline crunches (4x25-50)
Superset with
Hyperextensions – weighted (4x15). Keep Moving.
No more than 15 minutes

Dead lift (go moderate to heavy 12,8,6,4,2)
Superset with
Stiff-arm pullover (moderate weight 12,10,8,6,6)
Allow 20 minutes

Workout #6
When the turkey’s in the oven, all the fixins’ are on the stove, the house is clean, the table is set and you’ve got a couple of hours for self-revitalization:

Dumbbell incline press (five sets moderate weight 10,8,6 range)
Superset with
Stiff-arm pullover (moderate 12,10,8,6 range)
Superset with
Seated lat row (moderate 15,12,10,8,6 range)
Allow 30 minutes max

Workout #7
When coincidentally you’re across the street from the gym while procuring a dandy Christmas tree and you have an hour on the meter that you can’t waste, especially this time of year, and she’ll never miss you anyhow, even though you promised her dad, Big Mack, you’d call bingo at the Vets Hall downtown where the mobs and traffic jams are:

10 degree Flat bench curl (light to moderate 10,8,6,6,6)
Superset with
Stiff-arm pullover to forward-most position (same weight DB 12 reps)
Superset with
Heavy machine dip (6 to 8)
30 minutes max

Workout #8
When you feel like it:

Bent-over row (five sets moderate weight 6 to 8)
Superset with
Stiff-arm pullover with bent bar (five sets moderate weight 12,10,8,6,6)

Squats and calves supersetted (moderate weight 12,10,8,6,6)
Always push. Got 60 minutes. What’s the rush?

Never too early to check your de-icers, bombers.

Time to climb… Draper

God's Speed…

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